Beyond “How Was School?”: Checking In When Someone May Not Be Okay

By Rose Degenhardt, MA, RCT, CCC

Registered Counselling Therapist | Founder & Clinical Director, Venture Counselling & Therapy

Inc.

Posted: September 17, 2026

We’re Halfway Through September

Somehow, we are already halfway through September.

The backpacks have been broken in.

Lunch-making has returned to the evening routine.

The school buses are back on the roads.

University students are finding their way around campus.

Sports, dance, activities, homework, work schedules, and family calendars are filling up again.

For many families, the chaos of those first few September mornings is beginning to settle into

something that resembles routine.

At Venture, we're settling too.

Our new office is starting to feel more like home. We're developing new rhythms, adjusting to

our new surroundings, and finding our footing after a very busy season of change.

September can feel like a fresh start.

But September is also an important month to talk about something much heavier.

Suicide prevention and awareness.

And maybe these two conversations belong together more than we realize.

Sometimes “Settling In” Is Only What We See

As parents, we naturally ask questions like:

“How was school?”

“How was your day?”

“Did you make any friends?”

“How are your classes?”

And we're often met with:

“Fine.”

“Good.”

“Nothing happened.”

If you're raising a teenager, maybe you're lucky to get an actual word instead of a grunt.

But as a therapist, I know that “fine” doesn't always mean fine.

People can go to school.

Go to work.

Attend university.

Laugh with friends.

Play sports.

Post on social media.

Take care of their children.

Show up for everyone around them.

And still be experiencing tremendous emotional pain.

That's one of the reasons conversations about suicide matter.

Suicide Doesn't Have One Face

There isn't one type of person who experiences suicidal thoughts.

Suicide is complex, and there is no single cause that explains or predicts it.

Someone may be living with depression, trauma, relationship difficulties, bullying, grief,

financial stress, isolation, chronic pain, substance use, overwhelming life changes, or feelings of hopelessness.

Sometimes several things are happening at once.

And sometimes the people around them have no idea how badly they are hurting.

That's why awareness isn't simply about recognizing a list of warning signs.

It's about creating relationships where people know they are allowed to talk about the things that hurt.

We Need to Get More Comfortable Asking Uncomfortable

Questions

One of the fears I hear from people is:

“What if I ask someone if they're thinking about suicide and I put the idea in their head?”

This is an important myth to challenge.

Asking someone directly if they are thinking about suicide does not increase their risk.

Sometimes asking the question is exactly what creates an opening for someone to finally tell the truth about what they're experiencing.

You don't need perfect clinical language.

You can say:

“I've noticed you haven't seemed like yourself lately. I'm worried about you.”

“You've been saying that everything feels hopeless. Are you thinking about suicide?”

“Sometimes when people feel this overwhelmed, they think about not wanting to be alive. Is that happening for you?”

And then listen.

Don't panic.

Dont lecture.

Don't immediately try to convince them why their life is wonderful.

Don't shame them by saying, “But you have so much to live for.”

Start by listening.

“Thank you for telling me.”

“I'm here.”

“We're going to find some support.”

Those words can matter.

Check on the Kids Who Seem Fine, Too

With children and teenagers settling back into school, this is an especially important time to pay attention.

A young person may be navigating a new school, academic pressure, friendship changes,

bullying, social media, body image, sexuality or gender identity, family conflict, relationship

difficulties, or simply the overwhelming experience of trying to figure out who they are.

Not every child shows distress through sadness.

Sometimes distress looks like anger.

Withdrawal.

Irritability.

Sleeping constantly.

Not sleeping enough.

Suddenly avoiding friends.

School refusal.

Changes in grades.

Loss of interest in things they normally enjoy.

Or simply seeming different.

One behaviour by itself doesn't necessarily mean something is seriously wrong.

But parents know their children.

If something feels different, lean into that curiosity.

Instead of only asking:

“How was school?”

Try:

“What's been the hardest part of school lately?”

“Who do you feel safest with at school?”

“Is there anything happening that you haven't known how to tell me?”

“How are you doing—not school, not grades, not homework—YOU?”

And then give them enough silence to answer.

Adults Need Someone to Ask, Too

We talk a lot about checking on young people, but adults become very skilled at hiding distress.

The parent packing lunches every morning may be struggling.

The business owner who appears successful may feel completely overwhelmed.

The employee who never misses work may be barely holding things together.

The friend who always makes everyone laugh may need someone to check on them.

The therapist may need therapy.

The caregiver may need care.

Sometimes the people who spend the most time supporting everyone else are the least likely to admit when they need support themselves.

We need to normalize asking each other:

“How are you really doing?”

And we need to become willing to answer honestly when someone asks us.

Therapy Doesn't Have to Begin at Rock Bottom

Another misconception I wish we could leave behind is the idea that counselling is only for

crisis.

You don't have to wait until you can't function.

You don't need to prove that things are “bad enough.”

Therapy can be preventative.

It can help someone understand what they're experiencing before things escalate.

It can provide coping strategies, emotional regulation skills, a safe place to process difficult

experiences, and an opportunity to say things someone may not feel comfortable saying

anywhere else.

Sometimes therapy is about healing.

Sometimes it's about learning.

Sometimes it's simply about having one place where you don't have to pretend you're fine.

Connection Is Part of Prevention

There isn't one simple solution to suicide.

But connection matters.

Knowing someone will answer the phone matters.

Having a trusted adult matters.

Feeling accepted matters.

Access to mental health care matters.

Being able to say “I'm struggling” without feeling ashamed matters.

And asking the difficult question matters.

We cannot always know what someone else is carrying.

But we can create families, friendships, workplaces, schools, clinics, and communities where

people don't have to carry it completely alone.

As September Settles Down, Check In

So as we move deeper into September and everyone settles into their routines, I encourage you to do something simple.

Look beyond the schedule.

Beyond the homework.

Beyond the soccer practices.

Beyond the meetings.

Beyond “I'm fine.”

Check on your children.

Check on your partner.

Check on your friend who has gone quiet.

Check on the person who seems to have everything together.

And check on yourself.

You don't need the perfect words.

Sometimes you just need enough courage to start the conversation.

Final Thoughts

Mental health awareness isn't about talking about mental health once a year.

Suicide prevention isn't something that belongs only in September.

It's about creating a culture where difficult conversations can happen every month of the year.

A culture where asking for help isn't weakness.

Where therapy doesn't carry shame.

Where parents can ask difficult questions.

Where friends notice changes.

Where workplaces recognize that employees are human beings before they are workers.

And where someone experiencing unbearable emotional pain knows there are places to turn.

Sometimes the most important question we can ask another human being isn't:

“How was your day?”

It's: “How are you really doing?”

And then being willing to stay long enough to hear the answer.

Sign-Off

With courage for the difficult conversations, compassion for what we cannot always see, and

hope that connection can open the door to help,

Rose Degenhardt, MA, RCT, CCC

Registered Counselling Therapist

Founder & Clinical Director

Venture Counselling & Therapy Inc.

A Reflection for You

Who in your life might need you to go beyond “How are you?” this week—and are you

prepared to really listen to their answer?

If You or Someone You Know Needs Immediate Support

If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide in Canada, call or text 9-8-8 for the

Suicide Crisis Helpline. Support is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

In Nova Scotia, you can also contact the Provincial Mental Health and Addictions Crisis Line

at 1-888-429-8167, 24/7.

If someone is in immediate danger, call 9-1-1 or go to the nearest emergency department.