Grateful and Struggling Can Exist at the Same Time: A Thanksgiving Reminder About Mental Health

By Rose Degenhardt, MA, RCT, CCC

Registered Counselling Therapist | Founder & Clinical Director, Venture Counselling & Therapy Inc.

Posted: October 8, 2026

Thanksgiving Is Almost Here

Thanksgiving weekend is approaching.

For many families, that means turkey dinners, mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie, crowded kitchens, travelling, family traditions, and conversations around the dinner table.

It's also the time of year when we hear a familiar question:

“What are you thankful for?”

I actually love that question.

Gratitude can be a powerful practice.

But as a therapist, I think there's another side of the conversation we need to have. Because sometimes we use gratitude in a way that unintentionally dismisses very real emotions.

“You should be grateful.”

“Look at everything you have.”

“Other people have it worse.”

“At least…”

Those statements may be well-intentioned.

But gratitude should never require us to pretend something doesn't hurt.

You Can Be Grateful and Still Be Struggling

Two things can be true at the same time.

You can love your children and feel exhausted by parenting.

You can be grateful for your job and feel burned out.

You can love your partner and be going through a difficult season in your relationship.

You can appreciate your body and still struggle with body image.

You can be grateful for your business and occasionally feel completely overwhelmed by the responsibility of running it.

You can love your family and need boundaries with them.

You can recognize the good things in your life and still experience pain.

And you can have a beautiful life and still need therapy.

Gratitude doesn't cancel struggle.

The two can coexist.

The Problem With “At Least”

Imagine telling someone:

“My marriage is really struggling.”

And hearing:

“At least you have someone.”

Or:

“I'm completely overwhelmed with my kids.”

“At least you were able to have children.”

Or:

“I'm having a really hard time emotionally.”

“At least you're healthy.”

Those statements may come from a good place.

We often say them because we don't know what else to say.

We want the person we love to feel better.

But sometimes our attempt to find the silver lining unintentionally tells them that their feelings aren't valid.

When someone shares something difficult with us, they don't always need us to fix it.

Sometimes they simply need us to say:

“That sounds really hard.”

“I'm here.”

“Do you want me to listen, or do you want help figuring out what to do?”

And then stay with them for a minute.

Gratitude Isn't Supposed to Become Toxic Positivity

Toxic positivity happens when we pressure ourselves or others to maintain a positive outlook while dismissing difficult emotions.

“Just think positive.”

“Everything happens for a reason.”

“Good vibes only.”

“Someone else has it worse.”

The problem isn't positivity.

Hope is important.

Optimism can be helpful.

Gratitude can be incredibly meaningful.

The problem comes when positivity leaves no room for reality.

Sadness, anger, fear, disappointment, jealousy, grief, frustration, and anxiety are part of being human.

They're not evidence that we're failing at mental health.

Our emotions often give us information.

Sadness may tell us we've lost something important.

Anger may tell us a boundary has been crossed.

Anxiety may alert us to uncertainty or perceived danger.

Loneliness may tell us we need connection.

Our goal isn't to eliminate every uncomfortable emotion.

It's to learn how to recognize, understand, tolerate, regulate, and respond to them.

Thanksgiving Can Be Complicated

The holidays aren't joyful for everyone.

For some people, Thanksgiving means gathering around a table with people they love.

For others, that table looks very different this year.

Someone may be missing because of:

• Death

• Divorce

• Separation

• Distance

• Estrangement

• Addiction

• Illness

• Family conflict

• Children growing up and creating traditions of their own

• 
  

Some people may not have a table to gather around at all.

Others may be preparing themselves emotionally to spend an afternoon navigating difficult family dynamics.

And some people simply don't have the relationship with family that we're often told we're supposed to have.

That's why we need to be careful with the expectation that everyone should feel happy simply because it's a holiday.

Holidays can magnify whatever is already happening in our lives.

Joy can feel bigger.

And so can grief.

Family Gatherings Can Test Our Boundaries

Thanksgiving can also put us back into family dynamics we thought we'd outgrown.

You can be a competent, confident adult and somehow feel fourteen again within twenty minutes of walking into your childhood home.

Families have long memories.

Old roles can reappear quickly.

• The responsible one

• The difficult one

• The peacekeeper

• The successful one

• The sensitive one

• The child who never causes problems

• The person everyone expects to keep the peace

  
  

Sometimes we spend years changing, healing, and developing healthier patterns, only to find ourselves slipping back into an old role when we're around certain people.

This is where boundaries become important.

You are allowed to change.

You are allowed to decline conversations that make you uncomfortable.

You are allowed to say:

“I'd rather not discuss that today.”

You are allowed to step away from an interaction that becomes disrespectful.

You are allowed to decide how much information you share about your life.

And you're allowed to leave when remaining somewhere is harmful to your well-being.

Being related to someone doesn't eliminate your right to boundaries.

A Different Kind of Gratitude Practice

Instead of forcing ourselves to create a long list of things we should appreciate this Thanksgiving, try something a little different.

Ask yourself three questions.

1. What am I grateful for?

Maybe it's your family.

A friendship.

Your health.

Your home.

Your work.

Your morning coffee.

Your dog.

A beautiful Nova Scotia fall day.

It doesn't need to be profound.

Gratitude doesn't have to be Instagram-worthy.

Sometimes gratitude is simply:

“Today was a little easier than yesterday.”

2. What am I struggling with?

Be equally honest here.

Maybe you're exhausted.

Lonely.

Worried.

Grieving.

Overwhelmed.

Angry.

Uncertain.

Don't immediately correct yourself.

Don't add:

“But I shouldn't complain…”

Just notice what is there.

3. What do I need?

This is the question we often skip.

Rest?

Connection?

A boundary?

Help?

A difficult conversation?

Therapy?

A quiet afternoon?

Permission to say no?

More time with someone you love?

Less time trying to please everyone?

Gratitude helps us recognize what is good.

Self-awareness helps us recognize what needs attention.

We need both.

What I'm Grateful For This Year

This Thanksgiving season, I have a lot to be grateful for.

Venture has entered a completely new chapter.

We've moved into our new office and are finally beginning to settle into our new normal.

Our team continues to grow.

We're strengthening our systems, developing new programs, expanding services, and continuing to build something that, years ago, existed mostly as an idea in my head.

I'm incredibly grateful for our clinicians and the care they provide.

I'm grateful for our administrative team.

I'm grateful for the families, individuals, organizations, and communities that continue to trust us.

I'm grateful for the people who have referred clients to us, supported our growth, shared our name, encouraged us, and celebrated our milestones.

And I'm especially grateful for my family.

Because entrepreneurship isn't only a sacrifice made by the business owner.

Families sacrifice too.

They've given weekends.

They've carried boxes.

They've assembled furniture.

They've listened to business conversations at dinner.

They've celebrated the wins and witnessed the stressful moments that don't make it onto social media.

But being grateful for everything Venture has become doesn't mean every part of building it has been easy.

Growth can be exhausting.

Leadership can be stressful.

Change can be uncomfortable.

Responsibility can feel heavy.

And sometimes the things we're most grateful for are also the things that require the most from us.

I've learned that acknowledging that doesn't make me less grateful.

It makes me honest.

Make Room at the Table for Every Emotion

Maybe that's my biggest Thanksgiving message this year.

Make room at the table for gratitude.

Absolutely.

But make room for everything else too.

Joy.

Grief.

Excitement.

Exhaustion.

Love.

Frustration.

Hope.

Uncertainty.

Human beings aren't designed to experience one emotion at a time.

We can hold complicated truths.

I am grateful, and this is hard.

I love you, and I need a boundary.

I am proud of myself, and I am tired.

I am hopeful, and I am scared.

I can appreciate what I have and still want something to change.

The word “and” can be incredibly powerful in mental health.

It allows us to stop choosing between two truths and start acknowledging both.

A Gentle Reminder: You Don't Have to Carry It Alone

If this season feels heavier than you expected, you don't have to wait until things become unbearable before reaching out for support.

Sometimes we convince ourselves that our struggles aren't “big enough” for therapy.

We tell ourselves other people have it worse.

We tell ourselves we should be able to handle things on our own.

We tell ourselves we're too busy.

Or we simply keep pushing through until our emotional cup is completely empty.

But support isn't something you have to earn by reaching a breaking point.

At Venture Counselling & Therapy Inc., our team supports children, youth, adults, couples, and families through many different seasons of life—from anxiety, grief, trauma, relationship challenges, parenting stress, and major life transitions to simply feeling overwhelmed and needing somewhere safe to talk.

Therapy doesn't always begin with:

“Something is terribly wrong.”

Sometimes it begins with:

“I'm tired of carrying this by myself.”

Sometimes reaching out isn't evidence that you're falling apart.

It's evidence that you're paying attention to yourself.

If you find yourself needing a little extra support this fall, our team is here when you're ready.

Final Thoughts

This Thanksgiving, I hope you find something that makes you pause and feel genuinely grateful.

Maybe it's a crowded table filled with people you love.

Maybe it's one person sitting across from you.

Maybe it's children laughing in another room.

Maybe it's a quiet cup of coffee before everyone wakes up.

Maybe it's your chosen family.

Maybe it's simply recognizing how far you've come.

But if you're also struggling, grieving, overwhelmed, lonely, or entering this holiday with complicated emotions, you don't have to force yourself into gratitude to prove that you appreciate your life.

Feel what you feel.

Notice what you need.

Accept the good without denying the hard.

Ask for help when you need it.

Set the boundary if you need it.

And give yourself permission to experience Thanksgiving as it actually is—not necessarily how you think it's supposed to be.

Because mental wellness isn't about being positive all the time.

It's about developing the capacity to hold life's joy and pain together while treating ourselves with compassion through both.

This Thanksgiving, there is room at the table for gratitude.

And there is room for you, exactly as you are.

Sign-Off

This Thanksgiving, may your gratitude be genuine, your boundaries be respected, your plate have something delicious on it, and your heart have room for whatever it needs to feel.

Rose Degenhardt, MA, RCT, CCC

Registered Counselling Therapist

Founder & Clinical Director

Venture Counselling & Therapy Inc.

A Reflection for You

What are you genuinely grateful for this Thanksgiving—and what difficult feeling can you give yourself permission to acknowledge at the same time?