Growth Feels Messy Before It Feels Meaningful: Lessons from the Garden

By Rose Degenhardt, MA, RCT, CCC

Registered Counselling Therapist | Founder & Clinical Director, Venture Counselling & Therapy

Inc.

Posted: May 28, 2026

The Quiet Work of Growth

A couple of weeks ago, we planted our box garden at home.

There’s something grounding about putting your hands in the soil—choosing what to plant,

spacing things out, watering everything just right… and then waiting.

At first, nothing looks different. The soil looks the same. There are no visible signs that

anything is happening. No growth. No progress. No proof.

But beneath the surface, everything is happening.

That’s the thing about growth—it often begins in the places we can’t see.

We Love the Outcome… Not the Process

We tend to celebrate growth when it’s visible. When the results show up. When the flowers

bloom, the habits stick, the healing feels complete.

But we don’t talk enough about the middle part—the uncomfortable, uncertain, often invisible stage of growth.

The part where:

• You’re doing the work but don’t feel different yet

• You’re trying new patterns but still slipping into old ones

• You’ve outgrown something, but haven’t fully stepped into what’s next

• You feel stretched, unsure, and sometimes even stuck

This is where most people question themselves.

But this is also where growth is actually happening.

Growth Requires Discomfort

In mental health, growth is often tied to discomfort. Not because something is wrong—but

because something is changing.

Growth asks us to:

• Sit with uncertainty instead of rushing for answers

• Set boundaries that feel uncomfortable at first

• Let go of roles, identities, or relationships that once felt safe

• Face parts of ourselves we’ve avoided

• Try again, even when it feels hard

That stretch you feel? That resistance?

It’s not a sign to stop. It’s often a sign that something new is forming.

The Urge to Quit Too Soon

One of the most common patterns I see—both in therapy and in life—is people stepping away from growth too early because it feels uncomfortable.

We think:

• “This isn’t working”

• “I should feel better by now”

• “Maybe I’m doing it wrong”

But what if nothing is wrong?

What if you’re simply in the phase where roots are growing, not flowers?

When we planted the garden, we didn’t expect instant results. We didn’t dig everything up the next day to check if it was working.

We trusted the process.

And yet, with ourselves, we often don’t offer that same patience.

Pushing Through vs. Overwhelming Yourself

There’s an important distinction here.

Growth doesn’t mean pushing yourself into burnout or ignoring your limits. It means gently

staying with discomfort while remaining regulated.

Healthy growth looks like:

• Taking small steps instead of forcing big leaps

• Pausing when needed, but not abandoning the process

• Feeling discomfort without letting it define your direction

• Building tolerance rather than avoidance

It’s not about pushing harder. It’s about staying present longer.

The Conditions That Support Growth

Just like a garden needs the right environment, so do we.

Growth is supported by:

• Consistency – showing up, even in small ways

• Support – therapy, safe relationships, connection

• Rest – allowing space for integration

• Patience – trusting timing instead of rushing outcomes

• Self-compassion – replacing harsh self-talk with understanding

Without these conditions, growth can feel forced. With them, it becomes sustainable.

A Personal Reflection

Planting that garden reminded me of something I’ve had to learn over and over again in my own life.

There have been seasons where everything felt urgent. Where I wanted growth to happen faster.

Where I pushed myself hard to get to the “next version” of me.

But growth doesn’t respond well to pressure.

It responds to care.

Standing there, looking at the soil, I realized how much of life is like this. You do the work. You

show up. You tend to what matters.

And then… you wait.

You trust.

You allow.

When Growth Feels Slow or Invisible

If you’re in a season where growth feels slow, uncomfortable, or unclear—you’re not alone.

You might be:

• Learning to regulate your emotions instead of reacting

• Letting go of patterns that once protected you

• Building healthier relationships

• Becoming more aware of your needs and boundaries

These are not small things.

Even if no one else can see it yet—even if you can’t fully feel it yet—this is meaningful work.

Final Thoughts

Growth isn’t always exciting. It isn’t always clear. And it definitely isn’t always comfortable.

Sometimes it looks like doubt.

Sometimes it feels like waiting.

Sometimes it feels like nothing is happening at all.

But just like in the garden, something is unfolding beneath the surface.

And with time, care, and patience—what you’ve been working toward begins to take shape.

Sign-Off

With patience, trust, and compassion for the process of becoming,

Rose Degenhardt, MA, RCT, CCC

Registered Counselling Therapist

Founder & Clinical Director

Venture Counselling & Therapy Inc.

A Reflection for You

Where in your life are you expecting visible results—when growth might still be happening

quietly beneath the surface? 🌱