The Stories We Carry: Understanding and Shifting Negative Core Beliefs

By Rose Degenhardt, MA, RCT, CCC

Registered Counselling Therapist | Founder & Clinical Director, Venture Counselling & Therapy

Inc.

Posted: June 4, 2026

The Invisible Stories That Shape Us

There are thoughts we have in the moment—and then there are the deeper, quieter beliefs that sit underneath them.

These are called core beliefs.

Core beliefs are the internal stories we carry about ourselves, others, and the world. They are

often formed early in life through our experiences, relationships, and environments. Over time, they become so familiar that we stop questioning them. They begin to feel like truth.

But many of these beliefs are not facts.

They are learned patterns of thinking.

What Are Negative Core Beliefs?

Negative core beliefs are deeply held assumptions that tend to be rigid, global, and self-limiting.

They often sound like:

• “I’m not good enough”

• “I’m unlovable”

• “I’m a burden”

• “People can’t be trusted”

• “I will always fail”

These beliefs don’t show up as passing thoughts—they show up as felt truths. They influence

how we interpret situations, how we respond to others, and how we see ourselves.

And because they operate beneath the surface, they often go unchallenged.

Where Do They Come From?

Negative core beliefs are usually formed in response to early life experiences.

These might include:

• Inconsistent caregiving

• Trauma or neglect

• High criticism or unrealistic expectations

• Feeling unseen, unheard, or misunderstood

• Repeated experiences of rejection or failure

Children naturally try to make sense of their environment. When something painful happens,

they often internalize it.

Instead of thinking, “Something difficult is happening around me,” the belief

becomes, “Something must be wrong with me.”

Over time, that belief becomes embedded.

How Negative Core Beliefs Show Up

These beliefs don’t stay hidden—they shape everyday life in subtle and powerful ways.

You might notice them in:

Relationships

• Difficulty trusting others

• Fear of abandonment or rejection

• Over giving or people-pleasing

• Pulling away when things feel vulnerable

Self-Talk

• Harsh inner criticism

• Minimizing successes

• Expecting failure

• Feeling like an imposter

Emotional Responses

• Shame that feels disproportionate to the situation

• Anxiety in situations that feel “unsafe” emotionally

• Feeling stuck or unworthy of change

Behaviour Patterns

• Avoiding opportunities

• Overworking to prove worth

• Staying in unhealthy dynamics

• Difficulty setting boundaries

The belief becomes a lens—and everything is filtered through it.

A Glimpse into My Work and Writing

In the work I’m developing for my future book, I often describe core beliefs as “the roots

beneath the surface.”

If we think of our lives like a tree, our behaviours are the branches, our emotions are the

leaves—but our core beliefs are the roots.

If the roots are shaped by messages like “I am not enough” or “I am unsafe,” then everything

that grows from them will be influenced by that foundation.

One of the most powerful shifts in therapy is not just changing behaviours—but getting curious about the roots.

Another concept I explore is what I call “borrowed beliefs.”

Many of the beliefs we carry were never consciously chosen. They were absorbed—from

caregivers, environments, systems, and experiences. When we begin to recognize that some of these beliefs were borrowed, it creates space to ask:

Does this belief still belong to me?

Challenging and Shifting Core Beliefs

Changing a core belief is not about forcing yourself to think positively. It’s about gently and

consistently creating new experiences that challenge the old narrative.

Some helpful steps include:

Awareness

Notice the belief when it shows up. Name it. For example:

“This is my ‘not good enough’ belief speaking.”

Curiosity Over Judgment

Instead of criticizing yourself, ask:

Where did this belief come from? What experiences shaped it?

Gathering New Evidence

Begin to notice moments that don’t align with the belief. Even small examples matter.

Practicing Self-Compassion

Speak to yourself in a way that acknowledges your experience without reinforcing the belief.

Therapeutic Support

Working with a therapist can help uncover, process, and shift these deeply rooted patterns in a safe and structured way.

A Personal Reflection

Like many people, I’ve had to confront my own core beliefs over time.

Some of them were shaped early. Some were reinforced through life experiences. And for a long time, I didn’t even realize they were beliefs—I thought they were just the truth.

But through both personal work and professional practice, I’ve come to understand that beliefs can change.

Not overnight. Not easily. But gradually, with intention and support.

Moving Toward New Narratives

The goal is not to eliminate every negative thought. The goal is to loosen the grip of beliefs that no longer serve you.

To move from:

• “I am not enough” → “I am learning and growing”

• “I will fail” → “I can try and see what happens”

• “I am unlovable” → “I am worthy of connection”

These shifts may feel small—but they create powerful change over time.

Final Thoughts

Negative core beliefs are not a reflection of who you are. They are reflections of what you’ve

experienced.

And while they may feel deeply rooted, they are not permanent.

With awareness, compassion, and support, it is possible to rewrite the story.

Sign-Off

With curiosity, compassion, and belief in your capacity to grow beyond old narratives,

Rose Degenhardt, MA, RCT, CCC

Registered Counselling Therapist

Founder & Clinical Director

Venture Counselling & Therapy Inc.

A Reflection for You

What belief about yourself have you been carrying—and what would it feel like to begin

questioning it?